ADHD is a learning disability. It forms itself in this sluggishly struggling block of text. It drapes across the years of my life in different shades that sometimes change the more I think about them. For 8 years or so I was under the impression that I was simply dumber than my peers, which is exactly the kind of conclusion somebody with no critical thinking or short term memory capacity would draw, because it's true!
Instead of learning how to properly write, or enhance my vocabulary, or actually understand algebra, I spent all of my time doing what was interesting to me and what I could focus on, which back then was music. But now that I'm older and diagnosed and taking medication, I still find myself falling into this valley of progression. I mean, I'm typing this at 4:18PM on a Tuesday, which means I should be working, but I simply cannot hassle myself to override priorities all of the time.
Anyway, you're either hyperactive or inattentive, or a mix, but I'm inattentive, which means I'm kind of boring and generally less-liked than the hyperactive counterpart, but in exchange for a calmer life. We both still struggle with dopamine.
Wow, I... I need a minute to think about this.
Amphetamines are not a cure-all and you still need to make yourself do things, after all, you're not a robot. Voice training is very difficult for me and I'm not sure why; sure, it's mechanically difficult for someone who has had dormant vocal cords and improper singing technique for so long, but I always perform better by myself than with others around, which is both common and tricky to move past.
I don't struggle with any other aspect of physical outness, but nevertheless the problem remains, and as it *must* be related to outness I have decided to ritualistically expose myself by singing karaoke of male-led artists in public while presenting femininely. I believe this is a valid path to take for multiple reasons:
It works, though very slowly, but I do enjoy it and that is the only way I can do anything. As long as I enjoy it, I don't consider what I'm perceived as, and I hope after enough of this mentality I'll have rewired myself.
♡